Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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