I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
