there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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