your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
