i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
