All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
