Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
