A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
