I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
