Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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