the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im six kinds of drunk right now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
