I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
