It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
