i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
