There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
