I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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