This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
