but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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