Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
