I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
