Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
