After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
