how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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