Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
