True but thats because hes a fetus.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
