She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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