Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
