I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
