its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
