Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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