her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
