me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
