if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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