is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
