hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
