Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
