i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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