so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
