More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
