she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
