We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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