Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
