At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
