i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
