I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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