my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the day after is always just damage control
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
