What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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