im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
handjob tips. give me some.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
