I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
