It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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